Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Meaning of Acceptance - Part 1



What is Acceptance? 
The concept of acceptance is one that is frequently addressed within the self-help arena and certainly within any discussion of mindfulness.  Many have written about acceptance in its own right within this regard, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha byTara Bach is one such profoundly beautiful example.  


Today, as I was going for a walk I found myself thinking about acceptance and the various meanings it carries.   I talk about this topic with my clients quite frequently and checking in with myself on this meaning every so often is important to maintaining my own therapeutic integrity and personal growth.  As I thought, I realized it would be helpful for me to synthesize what I have learned along the way about acceptance through writing.  This is something I sometimes encourage my clients to do to help integrate things they have learned or gained along the way.


Acceptance does not mean that we agree with what is happening or that we believe it must continue. 

Acceptance means that we are able to gaze into the face of the present and say, “You are in front of me, and I acknowledge you are here.” 

Avoiding the Unpleasant
As we’ve all experienced, ignoring something we do not like, or prefer, does not make it disappear.  Instead, the opposite happens, it gets larger until we have no choice but to acknowledge what we have been avoiding, ignoring, or denying.  By this point, the object of our distress has often gotten bigger and gained momentum away from our conscious awareness.  For example, ignoring anxiety does not make it go away; it can postpone it, but it certainly does not eliminate it and it often increases its affect when it does re-emerge.

The Distractions Around Us
Acceptance of joy and what we consider “pleasant” is certainly easier than acceptance of suffering, pain, hardship, injustice, cruelty, and so on…  Our culture tends to train us that being distracted from unpleasant experiences makes us feel better, and for awhile it does, but eventually we always remember.  We remember because the deep wisdom in all of us won’t let us forget.  Even if we remember for a brief second, we still remember.  And so continues a vicious cycle of trying to forget: the need for a greater distraction from ________X_______.   [Fill in the blank with almost anything.]  It can be a hidden pain, an unpleasant memory, inconceivable realities, self-doubts, fears, painful emotions, anything that we deem “unpleasant.” 

We watch tv, we read, we converse, we drink, we have sex, we text message, we exercise, we listen to music...  By themselves these activities are not harmful and in fact can lead us to be more deeply present, but if we are doing these things to ignore unpleasant experiences (consciously or otherwise), they will hamper our psychological growth. 

What We Ignore and Avoid Always Comes Back
One may argue that we need distraction and avoidance in order to deal with the painful experiences that life presents us with.  This is a tempting way to think about life, however, avoidance does not eliminate suffering and pain, it delays and intensifies it when it re-emerges.  When we choose to deny something’s existence and are forced to face it again, the reality of its presence usually overwhelms or surprises us in such a way that its impact is UN-supportive to our wellness.

Giving Acceptance a Little Help with Hope and Compassion
Accepting something that is painful and unpleasant takes courage and bravery, the outcome of which usually leads to growth.  Acceptance on its own is helpful, but it needs the added energy of compassion, hope, and faith in the Self.  Without these additions, we may look at the world with realism, but there will be a lack of gratitude and honoring of the gifts and lessons life brings.

We Have a Choice
We have a choice to accept or ignore what is before us.  It may not always seem that way because our brains are so quickly able to push something away.  We can regain control when we make the conscious effort to be more mindful and aware of what we are choosing not to see.  Step by step, we will gain more control, and more awareness.  This awareness will permit the wisdom deep inside to welcome another alternative into your consciousness, for instance, that facing what you fear weakens its hold over you. 

So the next time you find yourself feeling unpleasant or catching yourself choosing to ignore something, take a deep breath in and simply acknowledge that it is there.  Do not get caught up in self-criticism if you notice yourself doing it! Choose to simply be aware of the sensation.  You do not have to do anything in that moment. 

Just be with what is present.  Usually the answers begin to show up when we are quiet enough to listen...

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Thanking the Day

Gratitude is an essential part of life.  It brings in new opportunities by acknowledging the current energy of abundance in our lives.  When we are grateful we welcome newness while honoring what is already present.

If we forget to be grateful, we take life, ourselves, and those around us for granted.  This alone is perfect soil for growing hopelessness, sadness, and of course depression.  Apathy nurtures stagnant energy.

When we align our mind with gratitude on a daily basis, we offer the opportunity for further growth.  In our darkest times, and our most painful moments, it becomes the most crucial to find what we are grateful for, otherwise, the illusion that we have nothing begins to turn into a belief we have about life.

To Create Abundance, Vitality, and Opportunity in Your Life:
Before you go to sleep, take at least a full silent minute to acknowledge at least one thing that you are grateful for.  Do this same thing when you wake up.

It will also be helpful to keep a simple gratitude journal that can be used daily or weekly.

Gratitude is something that I keep keep coming back to again and again, both with myself and my clients.  I truly believe that it creates an energy around us that cultivates harmony in our lives.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

How to Create Intentions After Meditation


A New Routine to Your Day
If you start your day with a morning meditation, adding a few extra minutes to create a couple intentions for the day may drastically improve your life. Even if you don't meditate *yet* , it will still be a useful part of your daily practice. With the use of intentions the road to fulfilling your deeper purpose will be clearer.

Why Create an Intention After Meditating?
After meditating, we are typically more clear, focused and in line with our higher self, higher purpose, Universe, etc. etc. etc. You get the idea. Basically, it's a great place to be! Our mind has slowed in its chatter and we often feel more calm and at peace. It is likely that our emotions are not as loud and we feel more centered with ourselves.

For this reason, creating an intention for the day after meditating can be incredibly powerful. Why? When we are more aligned with our deeper purpose and we begin to create intentions, those intentions come from a deeper space of wisdom.

From this state of presence, we touch upon our deeper Truth and can more accurately bring it into Being.

Imagine what it would be like if you were to try to create an intention in a place of emotional disturbance, chaos, and distress. Yes, the intention would still be beneficial and contribute to your goal, but it may lack a certain preciseness and focus that will be present when you are more aligned with the present moment.

Our thoughts create our reality and when our emotions are clouding our thoughts in such a way that our intentions become muddled, we may be attracting things we may not really want. For instance, "I want this darned person to understand me today" may lack some important elements. Instead, a more mindful approach may look like this: "I intend to communicate and be clearly understood today."

Simple Tips on How to Create an Intention
1.) Reflect on some important short term and long term goals that you wish to work on.

2.) Briefly think about any potential barriers that may negatively impact those goals for the day. You may wish to allow the intention to be about breaking through those barriers.

3.) Breathe and connect to your breath and body. Bring your awareness inward.

4.) Close your eyes and say to yourself "I want to address [identified goal]" Pause for a moment to connect to the goal fully.

5.) Now say out loud or in your mind "Today, I will bring energy to this goal in a positive way by --------" and then simply allow the present moment and your inner wisdom to complete the sentence. If the answer does not come right away, breathe deeply, create some patience in yourself, and then ask the question again. Do not judge the response you hear and simply allow the Truth that is inside you to be heard. (This may take some practice and is another reason why doing this after a meditation will likely be easier.)

6.) Repeat this intention several times or write it down. Recall it throughout your day, each time you do so, breathe deeply, bring awareness inward, and believe in the power that your thoughts have in helping to manifesting your goals.

That's it! Try it out for a week or more and see what happens!

Image Source: Wikimedia Commons